Have you ever heard that hindsight is 20/20? Of course you have… we all have… too many times it seems off the lips of someone who is basically just saying ‘I told you so…’ As true as it may be it’s (in my personal experience) never nice to hear.
I think the BEST person to give YOU advice is… YOU? Who else knows exactly what you appreciate and value and has all of the relevant experience to make a decision for YOU?
I remember thinking to myself – If hindsight is so damn wonderful why hasn’t anyone explained to me how to make it work in my favor? I then realized that probably they were too busy running around chanting ‘I told you so’ to consider a more rational, productive behavior.
Here’s what I came up with: It’s the secret, private conversation that I have with myself… and I’d like to share it with the up and coming Better Version of YOU that you are BEcoming each and every day…
I'm so frustrated!
~~You know you’re going to feel better sooner or later. It’s ok to get **angry/hurt/emotional/frustrated** - however – as long as you allow yourself to stay in the state of **insert emotion** you can’t do anything else…so please don’t choose to stay there.
Later is really FAR away... and sooner hurts a lot.
Ok - fine - stay there! Now... Are YOU having fun yet? ~~
Does it look like I’m having fun? (A complete wreck looking back at me with mascara smeared eyes). So-and-so is a complete ass. I’m hurt. This isn’t fair. Life sucks. The world is crashing. My life is over.
~~Life isn’t fair – get over it. ~~
Why are you so insensitive with me – you’re supposed to be nice? YOU ARE ME!!!
~~I’m actually a more rational, sane version of you…~~
Must be freaking nice.
~~Are you ready to not be**angry/hurt/emotional/frustrated** and move onto something else? You dorealize that sooner or later you are going to feel better?
I guess…
~~Why don't you have a glass of water? It will help you to think more clearly.
How about wine?
~~Water is better...
Has anyone told you that you're not very much fun?
~~Just you...~~
~~OK – so what will the Melissa **2 months** from now wish you did right now?~~
Using this perspective of inserting a timeframe that isobviously beyond the time that I’m feeling completely lost, out of control andlike a complete failure I can look back on the situation and rationally thinkabout what I am going to wish I would have done. For me this approach has beenextremely effective. Somehow the situation doesn’t seem as big, bad or ugly because I’m looking back on it not surrounded by it or drowning within it.
When I am totally emotionally involved, frustrated and angry it is difficult to make a rational decision – perhaps you can relate. I’m pretty sure that thinking back must force me to use a different part of my brain that allows me time to have the ‘fear’ chemicals in my system calm down. (that damn lizard brain)
This thinking process helps me be a better example formyself… not following anyone else but by helping to further my own developmentas a human being while creating a Better Version of ME!!
When I started using it I always used years… Like if I wanted to go out with my friends but had a class the next am… the rationalization starts... would it really matter if I missed? I could get the notes from someone… I’m doing well in the class and deserve a night out… you can rationalize yourself into or out ofanything – well I could!
So I started asking myself – what the 25 year old Melissa wish the 20 year old Melissa had done – obviously I don’t want to be in the same place at 25 that I am at 20 so just go to sleep, go to the class and quit thinking about stuff that is a waste of time and a hindrance to your future. In 5 years I’m for sure going to wish I went to the classes, passed with respectable marks and moved on to the next chapter of my life…
So I started asking myself – what the 25 year old Melissa wish the 20 year old Melissa had done – obviously I don’t want to be in the same place at 25 that I am at 20 so just go to sleep, go to the class and quit thinking about stuff that is a waste of time and a hindrance to your future. In 5 years I’m for sure going to wish I went to the classes, passed with respectable marks and moved on to the next chapter of my life…
There will be events that you are going to wish you attend. Attend them. There will be bridges you wished you burned. Burn them. And there will be apologies you wish you had made. Make them.
By taking the time to 'look back' you get to take advantage of the Hindsight 20/20 thing... You will make the right decision because YOU made it, and you will live your life without regrets.
No one is going to know about this secret conversation, except for 2 people. The you at the moment and the you in the future. The you in the future is going to be proud… or frustrated – YOU decide!
